How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
