Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
