just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
