I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
