I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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