I seem to have left my pride at pride
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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