Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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