She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
