What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
