I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
