She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
