Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Another day, another engagement, another cat
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
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