I wanna passion pit in your ass
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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