you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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