Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
