He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
