We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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