We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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