My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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