I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
