I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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