i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
