would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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