I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
