when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
