quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
