Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
