The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
