His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
