you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
