It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
