Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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