a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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