are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
