fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
