if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
It's Friday. Sex?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
