He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
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It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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