Soap is not a condiment
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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