So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
