just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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