your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
