mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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