Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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