Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
