Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
