Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
