That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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