First date: that requires underwear, huh?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
