Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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