so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
