i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
