i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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