Little spoons don't ask big questions
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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