does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
