4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
