I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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