FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
