i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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