3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
