i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
