I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
