My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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