capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
