I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
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