my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
At least life still wants to fuck me.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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