Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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