I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I cockslap morals
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
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