I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Two words: nipple clamps
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