i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
