There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
