So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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