Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
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We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
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You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
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