How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
