Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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