She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
