So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
