R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
someone owes me an orgasm
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I pour the whiskey from now on
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
