Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
