You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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