Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
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I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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