no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
